No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
