You're so nebulous sometimes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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