I hate your face
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
