How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fuck appropriateness.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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