Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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