DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
