I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
