and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
