I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
