were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she looked like the before picture.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
