Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
