wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
