We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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