Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
