She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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