Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
