I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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