There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
