He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
