I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
