So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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