you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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