I skipped work to stalk him.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
