What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
