Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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