he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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