hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
