No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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