Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
