I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
