i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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