A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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