direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the day after is always just damage control
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
