im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
