We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just puked most of my soul out..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize