"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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