Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
