There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
