Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
