You're a womanizer and a bitch.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
