you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We named our party play list daddy issues
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize