I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
