I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
