Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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