I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Fuck appropriateness.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
