didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
