i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
