I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
