I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
