I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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