I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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