I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
