How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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