he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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