We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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