Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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