awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
