sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
