k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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