My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
