wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is the high leading the old right now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
