i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
