the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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