Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
