wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
