the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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