I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
