I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
