So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
